Man signs 2 month lease with brother to get medical treatment 500 miles away, excludes partner of 10 years from contract: 'He acted like our shared plans were never real'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 16, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Secrets can cause the downfall of even the strongest relationships.

People like to say that what you don't know can't hurt you, but the problem is that it is much easier for the truth to be uncovered when lives are merged to the extent that they are in most serious relationships. Some do a pretty good job of hiding things like an affair or mounting debts, but the truth almost always comes out at one point or another. When that happens, it is simply a matter of damage control.

Being the person who was lied to or kept in the dark about something important can be incredibly upsetting, but that doesn't necessarily mean that their partner is going to try to comfort them. Situations can be complicated, but the reality is that when couples start hiding big things from one another, the relationship is in dangerously rocky territory. It might not last.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10576377344
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman was left feeling angry and confused after she found out that the plans for her partner to make a long-distance move to receive medical treatment would not happen in the way that she thought they would. She had extended her time period of remote work at her job so she could move 500 miles away for two months with him and his brother, so that his brother could be a donor for a life-saving treatment.

    However, she came across financial statements and an email that revealed that her partner and his brother had signed the lease on an apartment for two people several months ago. When she talked to him about it, it confirmed that he didn't expect her to join them. She wanted to be happy for him receiving treatment, but felt betrayed that he would keep this information from her.

     

  • AITA for not being “happy enough” that my sick partner gets treatment after he excluded me from the trip?

    TL;DR: We planned a 2-month stay for my partner's treatment 500 miles away and agreed all three of us would rent a place together. I adjusted my work to join. Yesterday I discovered he and his brother secretly signed a
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  • 2-person apartment three months ago, excluding me. Now he acts like our shared plans never existed. Am I the asshole for being upset instead of just happy he gets treatment?
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  • My partner and I have been in love for 10 years. He has been seriously ill for the past 4 years, and I've adapted my job and my entire life to be able to support him through everything.
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  • He recently got an incredible chance: his brother is a compatible donor, and a life- changing treatment is available around 500miles from our home. We planned that the
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  • three of us would move there temporarily for two months. Because it's expensive, we agreed to share the costs and even discussed possible apartments.
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  • I extended my remote work so I could come with them, help him, and be present during the treatment and recovery. I was genuinely excited not only for his treatment but also to spend those months together in that city.
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  • Yesterday, while checking our emergency finances, I noticed a large payment from three months ago. I checked our shared emails (I have permission) and found a rental agreement in his inbox. It's signed only by him and his brother. The apartment is officially limited to two people. So, not me.
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  • I was shocked and incredibly hurt. I can't afford to stay there alone, so this decision basically shuts me out. And he kept this hidden for three months.
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  • When I talked to him yesterday just excited small talk about spending Christmas there and how this treatment could change everything he suddenly got strange. He mentioned “visiting,” became quiet, and acted like our shared plans were never real.
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  • I'm angry, sad, confused, and honestly devastated. I know he's ill and stress affects him badly, but this was a major decision about our lives that he hid from me. And now I'm supposed to smile and pretend everything is fine. So... AITA for being upset that they rented a place without me instead of being purely happy he's finally getting his treatment?
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  • Edit: 1. We live in my house, which I inherited from my parents. 2. For the past four years, I've been the breadwinner. He only works part-time. 3. He is covered under my insurance. 4. His brother and I are good friends. I've just been too much of a coward to bring this up with him yet
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  • Cheezburger Image 10576377856
    via Martha Dominguez de Gouveia
  • nikokazini INFO: is he planning to live off your earnings for the 3 months?
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  • OP Opening-Permit-486 Yes. We planned to cover most of the living costs through me, since I've been the breadwinner throughout his illness. Thank you sm for your comment
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  • NTA teresajs Based on him spending joint finances on this, and hiding his change in plans, I recommend that you sever your finances and plan on NOT providing care during his recovery. Don't discuss it with your partner first. Just make a new account at a different bank in just your name and remove at least as much as he did from the joint account. Then, deposit that money into your own account. Your SO's actions show he doesn't want you involved, so listen to that. Don't financially support him
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  • CampSpiritual3808 It's looks like for last 4 years you were his caretaker not lover.
    via CampSpiritual3808
  • Chloe_Phyll NTA. You need to leave this relationship. He is not in love with you. After he gets back to full health, he will not longer need you and he will dump you. So, take care of yourself now. 1. Get a bank account at a different bank, ONLY in your name. 2. Take your half of the joint account. Then, take an equal amount to the large withdrawal he made. Put that money in your new account. Stop making deposits to the old account. 3. Take your name off of the joint account. When he overdraws,
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  • Tough Fisherman_4604 Move all your money to an account only you can access and start separating your finances.
    via Tough_Fisherman_4604
  • Due-Yoghurt4916 Only one of you is in love
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  • No-Rise6647 Handel this exactly as you would if he was not ill. Separate your money. Use the time you are apart to figure out if you are happy alone. Breaking up is devastating and will take more than a few months to overcome, but you can start from a place of noticing if his absence brings you some peace and use that to make your decision. Either way, I think you need to consider leaving and consider what you need in a relationship. Pull the finances and let him start building trust again, beca
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  • calacmack How would you handle this situation if he wasn't ill? Regardless of the circumstances he lied to you so you deserve to be extremely upset. Reconsider this relationship because it doesn't seem to exist. NTA.
    via calacmack
  • Irish_Eyes Dublin NTA. WTAF. I am going to be harsh and ask if he is with you because of the support you give him? The fact he has not told you outright what he has done tells you something. Listen. Do you want to waste more years on someone who is not honest with you and hides major decisions. Absolutely spineless and having a serious illness is not an excuse. It's devastating to realise that you are more invested in your relationship and being there to help his recovery. Don't listen to any th
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  • DebbieDaxon I'm sorry imo he used you while he was sick.....Now most likely going to get better he no longer needs you......I would dump his azz
    via DebbieDaxon

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